So, it’s been a very difficult few months and I’ve been promising to do a blog post where I explain all that’s been happening to me, so here it is. I’m not sure if what I write will come out correctly, as I’m still dealing with some on-going issues but I’ve taken some time to try and collect my thoughts and explain as much as I can, here goes…
In the beginning
Last year was a strange one and I don’t think any of us would say that it was an easy year to get through but for me it was extra hard. The year started out well and I remember going to a family do and seeing my grandmother there which was very special as she had been living in Poland and didn’t get to travel here to the UK much anymore due to her own health problems. I didn’t know it was the last time I’d see my grandmother back then, but this was definitely the last time I felt really happy and stress free.
As the year went on and the pandemic set in I felt crushed. I’d been feeling better in myself the last few months before it started but when everything began to get heavy and the lockdowns began I just didn’t cope well at all. It wasn’t anxiety over the illness that got to me though, I don’t think I’ve ever been afraid of covid (I don’t know why), it was the actual lockdowns, the locking up and giving up of freedoms that made me feel worse. I felt claustrophobic staying at home, probably not helped by my noisy and grumpy neighbours, and the on-going stress from all of that really hasn’t helped my health over the last year.
At the end of the year something really bad happened and my gradmother ended up heading to a care home in Poland while another family member of mine had gotten a diagnosis of cancer that was terminal. Despite lots of health problems most of the people in my family have lived long lives and to get two bad things happening in one month was horrible.
The new year getting worse
I started to struggle more at the end of last year and through to this year. My body hasn’t been well for a while but it turned out that I was a lot sicker than I realised. I started to have difficulty in keeping certain foods down and had to start eliminating more and more foods until my diet was pretty restricted. This in turn made me feel miserable and also fatigued.
In January my grandmother had seemed herself again and was actually getting better. She had been very sick for a long time and seemed to finally be okay until suddenly she wasn’t. She was rushed to a hospital in Poland where the staff didn’t do the best job, they literally just left her in agony for hours on a trolley (again because covid fears), and later she, sadly passed away. Her death and the way she died really upset me and my family, even moreso when we found out the care home that she had been in had actually been responsible for making her sick, and we found it extra painful to grieve because we couldn’t go to Poland due to the lockdowns and restrictions. Even if we could have been allowed to there was too little time before the funeral with quarantines and stuff.
I don’t think my grandmother’s death is the only thing that affected my health but the stress of it didn’t help. And it still is a source of stress because Poland is a hugely bureacratic country and dealing with my grandmother’s estate has been very hard, and is something that is still on-going. The bureacracy, is painful and silly and makes me grateful for some of the bureacracy in this country as it’s no where near as complicated (and tha’ts saying something!).
The final straw
With all the fatigue I’ve been living with, I started to struggle to keep up with book reading and reviewing. Up until recently I’ve managed okay but the last month or two were very difficult because of something drasitc that happened. I woke up with an infection, a bad one which affected my central body and legs and had to go to the doctor and later the hospital to deal with it. This was scary for me and I remember crying as it was super painful and up until now, I hadn’t had anything requiring antibiotics for many years. But soon I was prescribed the strongest dose of antibiotics and they made me severely nauseaous. This made it hard for me to literally eat anything at all as I could easily vomit what I’d eaten if I didn’t eat carefully and slowly.
It took a two week dose of the strongest antibiotics to finally rid me of the infection and I’m grateful that it didn’t get worse as it could have turned very dangerous if it hadn’t been treated quickly. Actually what added to the panic and worry was that at the first sign of something wrong in my body I called my GP surgery who made me wait a whole day to get hold of a doctor, even though I had called early. The GP receptionist’s now triaging patients when they don’t know what’s truly serious and not (not a good thing that has happened due to the pandemic!). Going to a local A&E wasn’t possible at the time and I couldn’t help but feel a little angry that the constant fear of covid could have resulted in something that I don’t even want to really think about.
Though I don’t know what caused the infection it turns out that the infection was probably more severe by the fact that I have apparently been malnourished for some time. I’d lost some weight over the last few months but hadn’t really thought much of it (only pleased to fit into my jeans a bit better!). But it turns out that my whole body has been struggling to cope, having an eletrolyte imbalance as well as nutrient (and generally food) deficient.
I’m not out of the woods yet. Although I now know what’s been causing some of my problems at least it’s something that I can start working on, and I have. In the meantime I’m still suffering some fatigue though the spring/summery weather makes me feel better on certain days. Some days I feel so tired that I can’t be bothered to do much but sleep and on others I’m all focused and full of energy, at least for the good first half of the day!
My issues are on-going at the moment and although I’m sure I’ll be fully healthy with time and help, it isn’t made easier by diabetes which is honestly, not that well controlled at the moment, and GPs who are acting like gatekeepers and stopping me from seeing the specialists that I need to see (especially diabetes!). There are some pretty severe life alterning issues with the electolyte imbalances that I only now discovered are diabetes related due to the treatment of diabetes and it’s something I plan on posting more about in a future diabetes post, but for now I just wanted to fill you in on what’s been happening with me and what I’m going to do about my blog.
So, posting five times a week is not that easy for me anymore. Sometimes I really do have the energy and time to post five different posts, and sometimes I feel so tired I am barely able to write more than one post for the whole week. As a result I’m going to try and keep to a consistent three times a week and hopefully that will take the strain off of things for me at the moment.
I am woefully behind on reviews I’ve promised publishers and I can only hope that they will forgive me as I work to catch up, but I am managing to catch up now, albeit very slowly, and I know what is wrong with me and am working together with a doctor to help improve my health after such a long bout of problems so hopefully I can get back to the organised and on-time me I used to be before all this started.
I hope you’ll want to still stick around and want to read my blog posts when I put them out. I’m sorry I haven’t been around much recetnly and I know I do sometimes forget to say this often enough but I really do appreciate you all, those of you who have sent messages, those of you who have commented and even though who just read and follow. Thank you all so much for reading what I write, I hope this post hasn’t been too long for you and hopefully in the next few months I can catch up and bring The Strawberry Post back to its regular posting schedule! In the meantime I hope you have a wonderful June! :)<3
How have you been doing the last few months? What are you looking forward to doing in June? Let me know what you think in the comments below 🙂